February 1, 2009

Numb Now

I didn't know I've become so numb until not just one but two big rumors happened to voluntarily travel its way to my ears earlier today, and I reacted in a manner that I myself find strange - in a way that's so not me. You see I used to be so reactive *if that's the right term for it, if not, I stand corrected, I'm tired fishing for the right word today...* but this afternoon, I literally and figuratively just shrugged the matter off thinking, hey, I have bigger problems to mind, colossal battles to conquer..and if you want my attention, you gotta have to bite my back harder... *whoah, I didn't mean for it to rhyme, you see I'm sweating tears here out of sheer pensiveness yet here I am producing rhymes. Can life take me seriously for once? It's seeking revenge for I haven't taken it seriously since Homer Simpson knows when* *** now where did that come from?! Yeah, yeah, I've long since known I'm nuts! peanuts, coconuts, chocnuts!

Going back to before my thoughts went haywire:

Both small-deal (really) rumors concern how a credit given to me isn't really due me. Sorry, I say... JUST MY LUCK!

I take it these're just part of the avalanche that I'd already anticipated to slide my way the moment I put an end to my not-quite long hibernation. et voila! LANDSLIDE! But can I help it if the mentors around me never gave up hope that I'll get back in the game even if they saw my wounded knees *naks*... Can I help it if they have their own self-less ways of pushing me...pushing me still even if they knew my passion has sunk bigtime?

I guess this is what the tarot forewarned me: I'll just stay put for someone's gonna do the lifting. And if my apology will lighten up your load, then I'm telling you I'M SORRY.

You're still way too small to budge me, though. Stab my back harder.

And oh, lemme just say this in closing:


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