February 18, 2009

Momentarily. Signing. Off.

As if ironically and sarcastically complementing with my current state, my friendster page now looks like this:

It got infested with a virus from who knows where, rendering me faceless and voiceless
* I cannot post a shoutout*, so
I'll just yodel here:

I am momentarily signing off for three days. *As if even a single soul cares, haha*..
I'll be off to Baguio City for a three-day recluse...err..retreat starting tomorrow. The marian-blue consent form I had my gay brother slash guardian *who needs more guarding than I do* says the purpose is to...ehermmnnn...know myself better .

Hah! It takes the universe for me to decode myself...haha, what a feat! Futile Feat, really...but I'll take the challenge...whew!

So, au revoir...*airborne kisses...mwah mwah*

I'm On a CAFFEINE High!!!

I'm on a caffeine high...and worse, I'm currently PMS-ing! So back off!....all hell will break loose.... haha, kidding...

...but I'm on a high, really, although I only had 2 miniaaaaaaaature cups of a 12-peso tea latte with sugar from IBC-13's Nescafe vendo-machine (courtesy of Daddy Jek, thanks again,daddy Jek) - it has the same effect on me as with any other bittersweet beverages/substances --- it triggered my imagined psycho-illness.

So... to you, dear faceless anonymous viewer/s, enjoy an agonizing dose of disorganized thoughts and incoherence. Haha.

Here, my litany begins:

I am multi-faceted.... and I'm a feline....meow, which means I have nine lives... 'got only 3 lives left in existence though...but lo, I'm prowling and living them to the fullest

Current life in existence is at both ends of the pole. I'm the worst bi-polar,yo!. Or at least, a self-confessed bipolar... Cannot afford professional opinion to make the illness official yet. Sorry.
At first cup, I was:


Giggling in all my pa-cute splendor
unmindful how crooked my teeth are

Guffawing silly
devoid of all inhibitions

...and in-love yet again with yet another illusion

Oh, Toni 1, when will you ever learn?

or at least grow up?

On my second cup I was:


My thoughs not only has gone haywire
it popped hyperlinks out every nano-second
and I have no choice but to hide deep into the confines of my aural curtain *my iPod, yo*
and shun your world.

Then there was S I L E N C E
so chaotic it could deafen you

Then there was INTROSPECTION
bathed in paranoia, it could make you go delusional.

*** *** *** ***

But there's still:

PERSISTENCE and immovable stubbornness

that'r, all at once, giving me the metaphorical
major-kick-in-the- butt...

...making me stand on my toes and shrug off all life's colossally-little shit
and say,

BRING IT ON, y'all!

gotta go get my third cup....

...this time, a venti.

Ah, life.... FILL ME IN and

get going.....................................

February 16, 2009

Eat TOFU, they WIGGLE!

They say:



Next thing I know
they'll tell me:


I say:

What shall I eat then?


or AIR, perhaps?

Don't get me wrong
I've nothing against your advocacy
in fact, I commend you for it, really....

it's just that
you're making me feel


....and to assuage the guilt
I'm thinking of
joining your force.

Go TOFU-tarians!
i TOFU you....

*whispers: Psssssst.....Eat tofu, they wiggle.

toodles, tofu toodles...
purple turtles and caboodles...

February 13, 2009


YOU ARE HERE , stay!

happy heart's day everyone...
go spread some lovin'

Happy Valentine's Day but....

I have an excuse to be love-strickenly mushy.
so let me...

Happy Valentine's Day?

Oh, thank you but my heart's not with me now...
my heart is in Malaysia

it managed to gatecrash its way
through the gates
of Diosdado Macapagal International Airport in Clark, Pampanga
same day as my mom's 49th birthday.

Funny how my heart got there...
It got locked inside the freezing compartments
of Airasia aircraft where it had to endure four agonizing hours or so of nausea
due to the slight turbulence the flight has encountered

Good thing it's safely cushioned inside my sweetheart's Northface backpack,
slammed between his dear, trusty Mac book and foul-smelling New Balance sneakers.

It arrived in Malaysia at 3:40PM
and took the smooth road for an hour to its
destination: an artist's acres of paradise called Rimbun Dahan Art Residency
where it has to stay there for 73 loooooooooooooooooooong days
(that's 2 months and 2 weeks + a day)...

Now, it's still on its 28th day there.
45 more days and it will be back with me.
'til then curb that greeting...
greet me that on the 31st of March

Now you wonder what's it doing there:
oh, just distracting the master as he does his thing...
like this:

I miss him and my heart, yes...and I wish both is safe there...

I somehow appease the longing through this:

and I call it:

for if it's not, then what is it?

Sorry folks but today's the only day in the year when
(let me repeat my salutation):

I have an excuse to be love-strickenly mushy.
They call it VALENTINE'S DAY.

Have a happy one, folks...

toodles toodles

February 12, 2009

Toni to herself: "Come now, Sassy Miss, let's call it a day..."

One word: "Phew!"
Or is there such a word? Oh, an interjection, thank you.

One boring summer, I attended a 10-day workshop on English Proficiency (@ English Masters Educational Center) *really, they should've extended it to at least a year or two, look how unproficient I still am, haha...hard to teach old dogs new tricks, eh?

So anyway...back to my blah-blah-oh-blah-dee-oh-blah-duh!

...and on day 3, I remembered *I have sharp memory. Uh-huh, day 3* being asked this hypothetical question:

After a long day's work, you reach home, hit the couch and rest both feet up on the coffee table/footrest, what sort of work would have made you feel that way?

or so the question was like that, I can't exactly remember how it was formulated and all.. *haha, did I just say I have sharp memory?...toink!.. and worse, I can't remember what my answer was or if I had an answer then, at all...but I can, now.

It's that day like today.

The day when I felt like I was a kid tagging along her mom in the workplace, an innocent observer, trying to decode the actions that are really usually very ordinary...

Well it was really very ordinary. Except to that girl like me who does not know what she's doing there. Who cannot believe she was where she was, with the people she was with, doing the same things they were doing, eating the same almost-royal buffet they were eating, rubbing elbows with the people who do tasks she usually just hear of and observe in her 30-inch boobtube... Passing regal doorways, stepping on red carpet, ushered by butlers, formally introduced and shook hands with people she usually just hear of and observe in her 30-inch boobtube *Did I repeat the phrase?... three different venues in a day, venues where that girl, had she been alone without the borrowed 'power' she has - might have been interrogated before being ushered away for gatecrashing.

That was today. And I still am that girl, still decoding why I was being made to savor the experience. Could it be where I belong?

Well, I can only quote the prayer my Religious Communication professor uttered yesterday after my well-applauded*hehe, thank you, thank you* Report on Ethical Issues:

For all that has been, Thank You, Lord;
for all that will be, YES, Lord!

Really, thank you. Oh, where's my halo?

February 9, 2009

Look who's choking!

choke choke.. I just had a super-sized helping of my post just this noon *burp!
I bade farewell .*haha,as if even a single soul noticed that I did..toink!*...Now I'm taking it back. I had the whole afternoon to noisily ponder that I can't just go MIA here, otherwise, I'll let loose the residual sanity left in me. Sayang naman.

Oh well, I thought I could do what Bunch did, say bye bye here and go hibernate for until when I feel like caving in. But I got so much goin' on that if I can't vent it out somewhere, I'd explode.

So much goin' on. So much that sometimes I had to check the dark skies if the moon's always full.

Like tonight, it's full moon. and my lola told me it's a jinx.
Like earlier today, I had a double whammy.

I'll tellyou all about it later...