Sayonara

BYE NOW

I NEED TO GO and LIVE my LIVES (plural intended)



....and trek the path to self-worth

...will miss you, folks.


Online life was bittersweet.




Daghan kaayong salamat.




*raining cyberkisses, mwah mwah!!!



*sob

Hear me QUACK!

Today I wish I was a duck
who paddles like the devil underneath
but remains calm and unruffled on the surface....


I wish my bronzer, foundation, cherry-flavored lip gloss,
and two coats of mascara will serve its purpose well and good today.

I wish I'm not this SICK!
I just wanna scream FUCK YOU ALL, GO ROT IN HELL,
WE CAN NEVER BE ON THE SAME PAGE!!!
but I don't think it's proper to do that here... *oh, did I just say that?!

Well, I can always delete that when my pendulum swings back to its extreme, can I? Then go face the world like I'm goodie-goodie and all that... I know someone who can easily pull this crappy act up.

I wish I could do that in my system too, y'know hit delete and everything will be all right...Then go start in a clean slate.

...but it just doesn't work that way. I've come to terms with this bitter fact.
So I can only quack, quack, quack!





Last wish: I wish I could afford a shrink!
That tells it all, does it?
*toodles, toodles, boodles, caboodles...

*First paragraph inspired by Confucius

DIS-organizer

They're supposed to get you 'ORGANIZED' yeah, but not when your planner looks like this:



Let's start the rip-off on the 19th, 'coz that's when my reality began - day after my Peter Pan left for Neverland *who went where?! Pages before that are bare. Nada...Oh, except for indecipherable doodles my subconscious seems to have copied from asylum walls somewhere.

Bare because, I was busy getting crazy, but the insanity was worth it. *toink.

They say being busy's better than being bored, sez who??? let 'em come to me, I'll let them swallow their cliched aphorisms - I'm the epitome of boredom no matter how busy I am, stay away from me, heehaa.

Next spread has found me taming down, thankfully. Busiest day was Friday, the 30th. I was busy checking what the stars have in store for me for the day, or at least according to some pseudo-astrologer. Haha, baliw.




Now comes my dreaded entries: FINAL EXAMS and THESIS DEFENSE!
'makes me ponder: don't just a planner by its cover *WHAAAAAAAAAT?!
And oh, as luck would have it (pun very much intended), one major stressor fell on FRIDAY, THE 13th... Yay!





Yeah, I'm supposed to be busy, but I'm bored, so I free verse....




Until I get to this part, hopefully...
it has sooooooooooooooo loooooooooooooooooooooooooong been OVERdue:

Til then these fingers are doing the rock on sign...
I mean, crossed!

\m/ wehekenwewl!!!

Go pa rin ng go, yo!

Roller Coaster Operator

Defective harness
Old and rusty, rickety chains
decaying planks
Every part is now
dilapidated by barrels of tears

But the black-hearted chauffeur
never cares
he just keeps on driving
driving
leading this lost little girl
leading this lost little girl on

this lost little girl
who holds her cotton candy tight
who tugs at her red balloon
who hangs on for her dear life

The chauffeur never cares
No, he never does
Yet this lost little girl
Enjoys the roller coaster ride

Yet this lost little girl
craves the roller coaster ride


For she knows no other joy besides it
For her there's no greater joy
no greater joy
besides it

And she waits til she falls
and she awaits her death
She waits
for her fall
She waits
for her death

She waits...
she waits...



Until she's AWAKE

My Dose of HAPPY PILL

He and his song made my day, though.
Repeat-1-track for a day. Whole day. As in.


C'mon sing with me:

konna koto ii na dekitara ii na anna yume konna yume ippai aru kedo	this sort of thing is good I wish I could do it that sort of dream, this sort of dream, I have many of them but
minna minna minna kanaete kureru fushigina POKKE de kanaete kureru sora wo jiyuu ni tobitai na	all of them, all of them, all of them he grants my dreams he grants my dreams with a mysterious pocket I want to fly freely in the sky
(hai! takekoputaa!)	(Here! Bamboo-copter!)
AN AN AN tottemo daisuki DORAEMON	ah ah ah I love you very much, Doraemon
shukudai touban shiken ni otsukai anna koto konna koto taihen dakedo	homework, school duties, exams and errands because that sort of thing and this sort of thing are awful
minna minna minna tasukete kureru benrina dougu de tasukete kureru omocha no heitai da	all of them, all of them, all of them he helps me he helps me with a convenient tool look! a toy soldier
(sore! tototsugeki!)	(Here! Attack!)
AN AN AN tottemo daisuki DORAEMON	ah ah ah I love you very much, Doraemon
anna toko ii na iketara ii na kono kuni ano shima takusan aru kedo	that place is nice I wish I could go this country, that island, there is many of them, but
minna minna minna ikasete kureru mirai no kikai de kanaete kureru sekai ryokou ni ikitai na	all of them, all of them, all of them he makes me able to go to them he uses a gadget of the future to grant my wish I want to go on a world trip
(ufufufu... doko demo DOA!)	(ehehehe... Anywhere Door!)
AN AN AN tottemo daisuki DORAEMON	ah ah ah I love you very much, Doraemon
AN AN AN tottemo daisuki DORAEMON	ah ah ah I love you very much, Doraemon

Numb Now

I didn't know I've become so numb until not just one but two big rumors happened to voluntarily travel its way to my ears earlier today, and I reacted in a manner that I myself find strange - in a way that's so not me. You see I used to be so reactive *if that's the right term for it, if not, I stand corrected, I'm tired fishing for the right word today...* but this afternoon, I literally and figuratively just shrugged the matter off thinking, hey, I have bigger problems to mind, colossal battles to conquer..and if you want my attention, you gotta have to bite my back harder... *whoah, I didn't mean for it to rhyme, you see I'm sweating tears here out of sheer pensiveness yet here I am producing rhymes. Can life take me seriously for once? It's seeking revenge for I haven't taken it seriously since Homer Simpson knows when* *** now where did that come from?! Yeah, yeah, I've long since known I'm nuts! peanuts, coconuts, chocnuts!


Going back to before my thoughts went haywire:

Both small-deal (really) rumors concern how a credit given to me isn't really due me. Sorry, I say... JUST MY LUCK!

I take it these're just part of the avalanche that I'd already anticipated to slide my way the moment I put an end to my not-quite long hibernation. et voila! LANDSLIDE! But can I help it if the mentors around me never gave up hope that I'll get back in the game even if they saw my wounded knees *naks*... Can I help it if they have their own self-less ways of pushing me...pushing me still even if they knew my passion has sunk bigtime?

I guess this is what the tarot forewarned me: I'll just stay put for someone's gonna do the lifting. And if my apology will lighten up your load, then I'm telling you I'M SORRY.


You're still way too small to budge me, though. Stab my back harder.


And oh, lemme just say this in closing:

WE LIVE IN A GLASSHOUSE,
LET'S NOT THROW STONES, SHALL WE?

This Much I Miss You

I miss you to the moon...

...and back!

NEWSFLASH: Valentine's Day, to be postponed on the 31st of March!

"Sweetheart, sweetheart...Is it March yet?"

Today is the last day of January...*duh!, like the world doesn't know..* and that means it's gonna be Feb. 1st tomorrow...*haha, it's like telling you the sky is blue...or is it?* but lemme' just get to my point first for it is rare that I declare a point, you see, lately I've been pointless - I'm just floating, flowing with the rapids.

Okay, to my point:

I wish we could skip FEBRUARY. Y'know, like we could just rip that part in the calendar. My pop would be glad he'd remain 52 this year. I and my thesis-mates would be ecstatic there'd be no scheduled defense, no pre-grad. retreat to a spooky Nuns' Mother House in freezin' Baguio.

And there'd be no day that would only make me miss someone veweey, veweey, veweey much --- VALENTINE's DAY.

And since this is my page, I'll have my way around here, unless you can hack this out and nosebleed your way to my uber-complicated password even I keep forgetting. So here I hereby declare that Valentine's Day be moved to the last day of March *gavel sounds* . Bear with me, it will be a fine day, I tell you.

So wake me up by the end of March, will yah?
and together we'll celebrate April Fool's the next day...and our (mine and his) birthdays on the 4th and 24th respectively.

Mark your calendars, folks.

*toodles, caboodles*

Pangungulila *now everybody say YUCK! *

haha..ako nawa'y pagbigyan
inyong lengguahe'y ipahiram
nais ko lang naman
mag-makata-makataan

haha
SAY WHAAAAT?!


Kidding aside, eto na:

Pamagat: ILUSYON GRANDE

at tuluyan nang dumaloy
di ko na napigilan
hinahayaan na lang
na ako'y anurin nitong luha
hanggang doon sa kawalan

umaaasang doon,
doon sa kawalang yun (Malaysia nga)
ay andun ka at mukha mo'y
masulyapan man lamang


now, go puke !!!
hey, wait til I get serious... you'll guffaw harder
Haha...
SANIB MODE lang.
Gan'to talaga minsan

Proverbial Lemons * A letter to The World

Dear World,

Remember the lemons you regularly hurl at me? Yeah, those! You never run out of 'em do you? Uh-huh, sometimes you miss 'coz hey I ain't always this dumb.. but most of the time you do hit me real good... real good I don't wanna get out of bed and face you. Yes you, world.

And still you keep throwing me lemons. Some energy you got, huh. I have many options on what to do with those, though... I can either run to the nearest liquor shop, purchase Jose Cuervo Tequila and a saltshaker, and voila! I can puke right at yah! ***ehemn, excuse me*... or when my temper's at it again (like it often does) - I'll hurl it back at you. Watch out, world, I grow my lemons real H U G E you'd think they're MUTANTS.



But today world, you know what I did with the lemons you shower my way like giant hails?
I squeezed it, squeezed it hard...squeezed it real hard...
and rubbed the juice to my eyes.

So quit askin' why I'm crying world.

Quit askin'...

Just teach me how to make a LEMONADE. A SPIKED lemonade.


Love always,


TONI